~Yumenegari

Queen'll be fine enough

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Troubled by stupid things, I think.

Wed Jun 17, 2009, 2:40 PM

Mood: Alienated
Listening to: Kelly Clarkson
Reading: Notes for exam
Watching: Lilo & Stitch
Playing: Diablo II: LoD

(The title says everything... Please don't read if you really can't stand stupid complains. I know they're stupid, at least I'm this much realistic about myself. But still I believe I'm not strong enough to just stop saying them and do everything I should...)

Honestly, I thank God there's deviantart. 'Cause, without it, I probably wouldn't have seen so many incredible arts... Which always give me a huge kick of motivation. But... I wouldn't have got also so... jealous. Yes, to tell the truth, whenever I have time to sit and check on some old deviant works (now I have only 2,000 to check! Wohoo! ...There was something like 4,000, you know...") I get pretty sad and down, and say "why can't I draw like that?!". Well, the answer is simple - because you don't practice, girl! Now that is a hell big motivation to me - without it I might have not draw anything... And, that'd be all - but, if I really want to get better I should all day and all night draw animals, trees, clothes, hands, boots, etc, right... And it's more complicated in reality... I'm quite aware of the fact, that I won't probably ever become a professional artist or something, and it's actually a waste of time to draw too much... This will get me nowhere. I should concentrate on things that are still possible for me, 'cause (I know it sounds funny) I'm getting older T_T. Come on, I'm already on university, and I still hadn't find my goal in life. Maybe I'm too ambitious, but I would like this goal to be something BIG... Which means, it will bring me everything I need to be happy. Drawing is nice and relax me a lot (until I see others' works or forget to study), I'm absolutely sure I won't quit it anyway. Just motivation for it is getting weaker... Actually, the ONLY thing that makes me want to draw something 'whoa, amazing' is deviantart. Because of this 'green-eyed monster' inside me, which shows everytime I turn on the page, and see some beautiful arts and it speaks to me: 'you have to be better than him/her! Go and draw! NOW!' So I start to draw eventaully, until I realize, that I suck so much that it's impossible for me to be better than somebody xD. Alright, I know you're bored to hell by all my talking, but I hope you understand at least a bit, that I'm... quite torn inside. Between my dreams and reality~~ (oh, that sounds so tragically..."). That's why I add something new so rarely. But, personally, I think... It's quite a shame, that drawing has to remain only my hobby... Life is brutal... But I have to find a job soon...

Apart from this... I still have a bit of free time

. So...
I SWEAR TO ALL OF YOU THAT THOSE PICS LISTED BELOW WILL BE FROM NOW ON MY PRIORITIES! IT'S A PROMISE!!!
(In the end, I have whole summer to finish them, for God's sake...)

=== KIRIBANS ===

KIRIBAN GAME ---> END! Those are the winners (who still wait for their prizes, sorry... I suck...")
1) 2,000 pageviewer ->

(congratulations!)
2) 2,222 pageviewer ->

(again, congarts!)
3) 2,500 pageviewer ->

(jeez, that's MY lucky day XD)

Well, and that'll be an end for now. I must go and start drawing promised pics~~... When I finish we can start thinking about new kiriban game