So, how to say it... Because I have so much to say.

I think I promised to mysef some time ago that I will be more 'active'. But still... I have this depressing feeling, that even if I start drawing, it want turn out any good. I won't be satisfied. I will want to redraw it. And again. Yet again.

But, you know, it's my 50th deviation. Even I can't believe it, how could it possibly happen? Well, maybe I draw when I'm not conscious? I dunno...

Finishing this picture took me hell lot of time. Surprised? Maybe because from the beginning I thought it was cracked... Hm, actually, no. I thought it looked quite good until I noticed that something is wrong with neck and breast. And I started to 'correct' it. And it turned worse. And I think it's then, when I left it, because I couldn't find any motivation to start all over again... Even look at it. But, whatever. I decided to put it here in the end. What's the sense otherwise? I like maybe one or two of my works - so if I had show you only those, my gallery would be quite empty, right?

But still. This isn't the most important reason.
I had really though time recently. My father died in march and left much of a mess. In everything. Which I had to sort out. I still don't know how I feel, so I just try not to think about it. That's why some people could say that I seem cold-hearted. But it's not like that. I'm just so scared. My family situation is a bit complicated, my father was quite a unique, if I can say it like that. I didn't hate him, but I didn't love him either. At least not this much to forgive him everything.

But he was my father. Someone precious. Who encouraged me to read and draw. I think I wouldn't be the same person without him, so for this I'm grateful. And in the same time, resentful. I got something good and something bad. Well, I think it's what life is about.

I hadn't really any envy for drawing back then... But when I saw this almost finished picture, by pure coincidence, I couldn't help myself, I felt... deeply touched. And did the rest.
The woman in it represents Dye - my interpretation of death. It helps me to think more calmly about it, it doesn't matter how she looks like as long she is something... Natural. And this vision - so peacefully sleeping... It moved me so much, that all sorts of feelings came out of me, though everything may sound stupid to you...

Whenever I see this picture I'll think of my dad, no help about it. And even if it's unperfect, even very much, about what I'm higly councious, it's very important to me. I just needed to say it, I wanted you to know about it. I can't really say how it all sounds like from your side, but it's very personal, so... You don't have to say anything... I think I said already too much...

The reason why I didn't submit it until now is that I wasn't so sure what to tell you here. Maybe it would be better if I didn't say anything? Well, it's too late, either way...

Dye / TEOG (c) to this page only.

PS. Somebody said to me some time ago, that I have too many pictures in colour... Now, one more black & white. But I'd appreciate if there were more black and less white, ech...".